The Curious Case of Gai and Lee's Magical Gel
by autographontheradio
Summary: Two Shot. A place where skin and body care is serious business. But then came a certain duo called Gai and Lee come along. Kakuzu is somehow roped into buying their Youthful products, making him and Hidan's world turn upside down with these magical gels.


AN: Yes, David Jones IRL does have chopsticks for $17.

Aa, lame ass parody based off the summary i stole from Wikipedia about the curious case of Benjamin Button. Because I don't live near a cinema, therefore can't see it.

* * *

David Jones, open 7 days a week, boasted quality clothing, great sales at fantastic prices. One of the cheapest around. You could buy a pair of chopsticks for $17. Real good.

Kakuzu came round many times a week, carefully checking the prices then comparing them to Myer down the street. Both stores usually had the same prices. If one was 5 cents cheaper, then many would rather shop there instead.

Kakuzu didn't go to David Jones for a bargain. He went to the make up department. Here, girls got free lipsticks, painted their perfect faces with skin coloured glob and blackened their eyes to look like a chinese panda. It always reminded Kakuzu of his flatmate, Hidan, whenever he got all angsty and suicidual and when that happened, he locked himself in his bathroom and came out an hour later with black and white paint allover himself carrying a spear, which he chased Kakuzu around the house with.

He hadn't been back to David Jones for a month, mainly as he had to the police station to testify on another murder Hidan tried to commit. He came home yesterday from jail for the seventh time that year, grumbling about why he kept been thrown in jail when obviously he didn't kill them. Same as ever, Kakuzu brought his usual Olay Moisturizer and hair straighteners from his usual stand and was about to leave when he forgot Hidan's products. Hidan was even worse than Kakuzu when it came to make up. It cost them both a fortune.

Fifteen tubs of hair gel, ten bottles of black paint and eight bottles of white paint later, he was finished. Thank god. Or thank Jashin, who ever was currently listening; he turned from the stand and was about to leave, when:

"Excuse Me Sir! Would You Like To Buy Some Of Our Youthful Products!?" A voice questioned him and Kakuzu looked around, seeing a man around his height and wearing a smart black and suit and an extremely bright green tie. The person grinned at him, teeth sparkling.

How on earth did he do that? Make his teeth sparkle? Was this guy some sort of... mutant vampire that could not sparkle in the sun, but his teeth did that instead?

"Are they cheap?" asked Kakuzu immediately, genuinely curious.

"Of Course! The Cheapest You Can Get, Cheaper Than Kakashi's Little Counter Over There!" he pointed over to where Kakuzu had gotten his Olay from. "How About It Sir? Come And Try _Gai And Mini Lee's Youthful Services!" _

Come again...?

Kakuzu didn't want to miss a bargain, so he listened to waht this man had to say. He was quickly introduced to "Mini Lee" although his name almost matched his appearance. He looked exactly like Gai, the one who came to him.

In the end, Kakuzu left with double then what he should of Hidan's hair gel.

* * *

One Day Later

"Kakuzu! Dude, you didn't get my usual products you _PRICK_!" Kakuzu ducked as Hidan threw his shoe at him. It went straight past and hit the fish tank.

Luckily there was no fish in there; they were originally Kakuzu's... then Kakuzu was away doing business in Ame for a week... came back to find that Hidan had sacrificed Archibald, Graham and "that gay guy with the gay bow around his neck that he named his fish" (named after presenters on Kakuzu's favourite show: Antiques Road Show) to Jashin then flushed them down the toilet. Hidan still had the marks on his neck where Kakuzu, a.k.a grumpy fucking bastard throttled him. Or so claimed, as Hidan spent a lot of time in the bathroom inspecting each nick and each hair on his head.

"That was expensive glass, you moron," Kakuzu hissed. Hidan made some sort of growling noise which indicated that Kakuzu should either

A) Run away

B) Growl as well

C) Kick Hidan's ass to Jashinland, or Jashin!Hell, Jashin!Heaven, etc

D) Correctly sort out this poor little boys problem with Kakuzu's purchases.

So he chose option D.

"I don't give a rats ass, asshole!" he trudged over and retrieved his shoe, making sure his eyes kept to Kakuzu.

Kakuzu stared back. "What do you want?"

Hidan was in the middle of putting his shoe back on, then gave up when he couldn't untangle the knots, in which he threw the show (lightly) at Kakuzu to untie for him. Seriously, Kakuzu was like his carer sometimes.

Kinda semeish, i know.

"What... product of hair gel did you buy yesterday..." Hidan started off light, and curious. He rubbed his hair.

"Why did you ask?" Geez, why were Hidan's shoelaces so tight?

"Well..." Hidan looked a little confused. "I only needed to put one coat of gel on today."

Kakuzu looked at his flatmate. "...Excuse me? What is wrong with you?"

It was well know Hidan went through two or three tubs of hair gel a week.

"It stayed in place! I mean, what-the-fuck?" the silver haired man used his hands to emphasize his speaking. " Its a fucking miracle!"

Wow.

How much could Kakuzu save on _Gai and Mini Lee's youthful services!_

_

* * *

  
_

"Your Back!"

Gai's mini me, (Lee) held Kakuzu's hands and sparkled.

"Oh fair one, we have a new product!"

...Fair one.

Since when has Kakuzu ever been fair? He was the best at poker and race horse betting!

Kakuzu slid his hands out of Lee's grip as he spoke, noticing that Lee hadn't master the way of speaking so each word came out like a captail letter, "My colleague is impressed with your hair gel services. Congraulations, because he does not speak highly of anyone that often."

Lee looked as if one of those reality shows like Backyard Blitz had come and renovated his garden. "Oh my God! GAI-SENSEI!"

"YES, LEE?" Gai had appeared out of nowhere, so fast that not even Kakuzu could see it. He spotted Kakuzu in front of them. "Hello, We Meet Again!"

"Yes, Hello." Kakuzu wanted to keep this short. "Just wondering, what other products do you have besides hair gel?"

Gai clasped Kakuzu's shoulders as if they were best friends. "Many!"

Well, that helped... somehow. Then Gai steered Kakuzu to the back of their counter. "We have hair gel!"

"I know."

Lee held up a youthful green tub.

"This is sparkle hair gel!" he said excitedly, "A formulae based on the epic originality of the series Twilight by Stephanie Meyer!"

"Who?"

"A well written series about a romance between a young maiden and a vampire!" he showed Kakuzu the bottom of the tub. Written in engraved letters bore "100 percent Twilight Approved".

"You Apply To The Head, And Your Hair Sparkles In The Light!" Gai exclaimed, then shoved a bottle in Kakuzu's face, "This Will Help With Your Skin! Makes It Youthful! How Old Are You Anyway, Kakuzu-San?"

Even though Kakuzu didn't remember when he had given Gai his name, but he didn't really care at the moment. "I am 92."

_Dramatic Pause._

Gai laughed nervously.

"Aah? Are you sure?"

He noticed he wasn't putting so much punch into that last comment.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrows. "Sure as Sure."

Lee inspected him closely. "Wow," he was astonished. "You don't look 92."

Gai was full of tears.

"Thats Amazing, Kakuzu! Would You Like To Try Some Of This Youthful Skin Product?"

Kakuzu didn't look that old; in fact, somehow he had managed to look 40 or so for the past how-many-god-knows years, he made sure that on August 15 he put the Christian Channel on TV loudly so Hidan would forget that it was his birthday and spent the day painting himself black and white for his usual bizarre rituals, only to remember in the evening when Kakuzu sat down to watch Antiques Road Show.

Kakuzu's secret was Olay Moisturizer every day, every night. Sunscreen every time he left the house, or he put a headscarf on, usually getting mistaken for an Arabic.

Since he was also old, naturally old people (besides making a new friend in the mirror everyday) had at least one bone in their body which there was something wrong with, for Kakuzu, it was his left knee.

He had applied the Youthful Skin on it last night, and woke up to no dull ache.

It was quite... odd to feel nothing in his knee that had been bugging him for the past 10 years. He poked his knee.

It didn't screech back.

He looked at it closely.

Nothing was wrong with it.

Getting up, he put his dressing gown on, yawning, to troddle off to make himself a cup of tea. He didn't realise what the time was till Hidan tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around.

"What?"

Hidan glared at Kakuzu.

"Do you have any fucking clue what the time is?"

Kakuzu stared at his flatmate, then slowly turned towards the clock on the wall, which was a souvenir from JashinWorld Hidan went last holiday.

2:30pm.

"Since when do you sleep in that far, bastard?" Hidan taunted, while Kakuzu shook his head in disbelief. "I had to make breakfast today..." the Jashinist continued, "Yeah, I kinda stole your food out of the fridge. But..." he looked at Kakuzu closely while Kakuzu moved to the hallway, "Why aren't you shuffling like a grumpy old man."

"My knee stop hurting."

"Your knee? Weird." Actually since Kakuzu's a bastard and keeps his problems to himself and his doctor, somehow Hidan knew that his knee was bad. Maybe he eavesdropped on the conversations between Kakuzu and his doctor, or was Hidan smarter than he looked!? "Did you bang it hard or somethin'?"

"I went back to the businessmen who sold me your gel you like."

Hidan opened his mouth. "Yeah, I have something wrong with that shit too. It makes my hair sparkle."

Kakuzu nodded. "Yeah, don't care. And so I used their skin gel last night, and my knee has stopped hurting." Hidan raised his eyebrows. "Very... odd."

"Well, I don't give a shit... I mean, I like attention for my hair. Gives me an opportunity to give out Jashin Pamphlets."

That night, Kakuzu used to magic gel again.

That next morning, he woke up at 3pm with Hidan staring at him in the face. Even though it looked like a yaoi fangirls dream (no batteries included) but he was really pushing it if he had straddled Kakuzu's hips, though Kakuzu kicked him off. "Ouch, fuck you," Hidan wheezed, clutching his ribs. "Its 3pm, I had to phone your work which took me forever as I had to go to the phone shop to break into your phone lock so I could find the number, so I came to see what was fucking wrong... Why don't you go look in a mirror?"

The old phase "old people make a new friend in the mirror everyday" was reused, as Kakuzu got out of bed, stepped over Hidan on the ground, and into their bathroom.

What stared back at him was a 30 year old. His hair was fair, no signs of grey, his eyes had grown down to white instead of red, he looked like a rather handsome... bachelor.

"You used the gel didn't you?" came Hidan's voice from the bedroom floor.

...Wow.


End file.
